Mourning the Monster

Mourning the Monster

This is an older scene (you can probably tell by how rough it is), another one I found while poking around on my hard drive. I wrote this for a now defunct super hero-esque role playing forum my husband used to run. There was a long run up of events before this scene, but the summary is essentially that Domerin’s ex-boyfriend (Kail, or’Kith’ as Domerin calls him) – whom Domerin believed to be dead – manipulated a young member of the team into kidnapping his current boyfriend (Sesha) in an attempt to remove him from Domerin’s life. Kail’s powers made him more than a little bit wacky. In any case, Kail’s plan didn’t work out too well, and the aftermath of the event left Domerin in more than a little turmoil.
. . .

There were times when Domerin Lorcasf didn’t know where his feet were going to take him until he reached his destination. He had intended to go for a smoke, but his feet had not taken him to the lobby. Instead he found himself outside a door he’d avoided since the moment the neat little black and gold letters had been set into the door’s label. It wasn’t a door he wanted to pass through, not even with his mind so heavily preoccupied. Why had he come here in the first place if he hadn’t intended to walk through the door? For a moment he simply stood there staring at the frost distorted window.

Just as he was turning on his heel to leave, the door silently swung open to admit him entry. He knew the room’s occupant well enough to recognize the silent summons. Damn! Should have known she’d ‘hear’ me long before she saw me. With a small sigh, he strode through the door, accepting the silent invitation. As the door closed behind him of its own accord, Domerin flopped down on one of the office’s comfortable couches.

Silence reigned in the office for a moment before the soft voice of its owner filled the space between them. “I certainly never expected to see you here for a visit that wasn’t forced.” As always, however, Rose de Castillo softened her barb with a warm smile.

Domerin looked every inch the grumpy old man when he shot her an acid look in response. But for all his glowering, he wasn’t the least bit angry with her. If anything, he was embarrassed. When had he gotten so weak that he couldn’t deal with his problems on his own? And worse, he knew that she knew all about it. She could have picked his mind clean if she wanted to.

“Oh come now, Domerin, you know I’m not in the habit of prying into people’s minds without permission. It hasn’t been that long since we last associated.”

He sighed again. Damn it all. “I’m here,” was all he said, “What else do you want from me?”

Rose’s smile was unchanged. She was still as patient as she ever had been. “How about you tell me what brought you to my door this morning?”

“Well that would require me to know exactly how it was I ended up outside your door.” Rose shot him a somewhat sharp look at that and he was satisfied that he’d managed to get at least partially under her skin. He sighed yet again and sprawled across the couch until he was comfortable. When he spoke again it was in that quiet, serious voice he only used around those he trusted when he raised topics he didn’t often speak of. “It’s about Kith.”

Understanding flickered in the telepath’s eyes and she nodded, her smile fading as she gave him her full attention. “I thought that might be the case.”

Again silence fell over them like a blanket. Rose was well aware that Domerin had to work himself up to these sorts of conversations and she offered him all the time he required without forcing or rushing him. He appreciated that and was glad she would know it. Emotional things were difficult for him. After a short time, he finally continued, “He’s actually dead this time. We searched as best we could but we couldn’t find his body. I don’t know what I expected. There’s no way he could have lived through an explosion like that.”

Rose’s brows furrowed. “You think he escaped somehow? You’re worried he’s going to come back to haunt you again, despite all the odds?”

Domerin’s smile had no humor in it. “No. I’m sure he’s dead this time. The fact that we couldn’t find a body just proves he didn’t have a chance. He’s nothing but a blood smear on a rock somewhere now. Trouble is, that’s what seems to be bothering me.”

Rose stared at him for a long moment. Something had flickered in her eyes but it had gone so quickly that Domerin hadn’t been able to identify it. He was pretty sure that she was surprised. “You are mourning someone you cared for very deeply, Domerin, that’s only natural. Anyone would feel the same in your place.”

But Domerin shook his head. “I wonder if they would. He kidnapped the man I love, he toyed with the minds of the people close to me. In the end, when I rejected him, he held a gun to my lover’s head and demanded I chose between the two of them. Why should I mourn a monster?”

Again understanding came to the telepath’s face and she seemed to relax slightly. “You are not mourning the monster, Domerin.” She reassured him, her voice gentle but confident. “Before he did all those things, before the madness, the anger, the hatred, the mind games; before he was the monster, he was the man you loved. Surely it is a shock to lose someone you never really stopped caring about.”

Domerin shook his head again, stubbornly insisting that should not be the case. “Kith disappeared out of my life a long time ago. I believed he was dead and I mourned him then. What came back to me wasn’t a man I could have loved, let alone the man I did love all those years ago. If I’ve mourned him already, why should I do so again when the monster meant nothing to me?”

Rose sighed. Domerin knew she thought he was difficult. He didn’t tend to be open with his emotions very often, and when he was he always got the distinct feeling he didn’t feel the way about most things that she thought he should. She was a patient as always, however, as she shook her head back at him. “You can’t ignore how you must have felt when he came back into your life. I don’t for a moment have any delusions that you believed me when I told you about his mental condition, at least not until he had Sesha carted off by Gabriel Lewis. Can you honestly tell me you didn’t have even a small glimmer of hope that someone you cared for deeply had finally returned to your life? Or even that you could cure him of any instability I may have sensed in him?”

Domerin did not answer right away. Instead, he shifted uncomfortably. He hated the way she seemed able to reach into his mind and pull out his exact thoughts even without reading his mind. He felt his soul was somehow bared before her and he was powerless to keep his secrets hidden. After all these years, and considering how well she knew him, it shouldn’t have surprised him.

“No.” He finally admitted. “I can’t completely deny either.”

He could tell by the telepath’s posture that she felt she’d won some sort of victory. “So despite your previous mourning those feelings were reawakened. HE became a part of your life again in some manner or another. Remember, Domerin, no matter how much you mourned him, no matter how strongly you believed he was dead, you were never given any closure to that part of your life. To borrow an old, tired cliché; now you finally know how the story ends. Let yourself have that closure, Domerin. Let the story end. Finally lay the man you loved to rest and let your life move on.”

Domerin allowed silence to rule again. What she said made sense. In a lot of ways, he was relieved. He’d thought his unease with his old lover’s sudden passing had been unhealthy and unwarranted. He’d been certain he should have no such feelings and the fact that she thought it perfectly reasonable eased his mind a great deal. But he still couldn’t help feeling guilty. “How do I tell Sesha I want to have a memorial for the man who kidnapped and basically tortured him?” He blurted suddenly. He knew that Sesha would understand his need to mourn his ex-lover. He knew Sesha understood his need to put that part of his life firmly behind him. But how could he expect Sesha to help him pay last respects to a man who had abused him?

Rose offered him a sad sort of smile, but she didn’t seem the least bit troubled by the question. “I can’t be wholly certain how he would react to such a request, but there is one thing I am certain of, Domerin. The two of you share a strong bond. Sesha loves you deeply enough to accommodate the things he knows you need even if he can’t understand them. Is the reverse not also true? The very fact that it matters so much to you how he will feel about this situation only proves how much you care for him; enough to set aside your own needs to spare him. I have a suspicion that if you explain your feelings to Sesha, he will understand and be as willing to set his feelings aside for you as you are for him. Besides, how could it hurt to ask? At worst he will say no and you wouldn’t really have lost anything. I also have a strong suspicion neither of you can stay mad at the other for long.”

Domerin couldn’t help but smile at that. It was true, and lucky for him, since he seemed to be the one who messed things up most of the time. He still wasn’t sure he felt right about the whole situation, but he did finally feel like he could talk to Sesha about it. “Thank you.” He said softly to the telepath as he slid off the couch and made his way back to the door.

The door slid open for him again, seemingly of its own accord even as Rose’s soft voice replied, “You’re welcome. And Domerin… I’m sorry for your loss. My door will always open for you.”

Domerin smiled faintly and nodded. He knew she could tell he was grateful for her help and touched by her condolences. He wasn’t planning on taking a trip to her office again soon, but it was nice to know she was there and willing to listen if he ever needed to.

He didn’t worry about the door, knowing it would close itself behind him. This time his feet found the stairs and the front door and when he finally inhaled that first deep drag from his cigarette, he felt more relaxed than he had since before Gabriel Lewis blasted a hole in his wall and set the whole nightmare in motion. He finally felt the nightmare was over.

2 Replies to “Mourning the Monster”

  1. So enjoyable, as always. I hope you keep posting these scenes. They’re so well-constructed that they’re really little self-contained stories. Perfect for a quick read!

    1. Thank you! :D I’m really glad you like them. I try to write a new one each week, but sometimes life gets in the way (as I’m sure you know ^^;; ).

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