The Horrible Way Media Depicts Dealing with Toxic Relationships

I’ve noticed a disturbing trend lately in the way movies, TV shows and even some video games handle relationships with toxic individuals. Toxic characters are nothing new. Though I don’t think creators have been as willing to blatantly label them in the past. Many people have dealt with toxic individuals in their lives, whether they were friends or family members. And in the age of the internet, I think many people find solace in sharing their experience and realizing they’re not alone.

That might be why so many movies and TV shows have become willing to tackle this topic. Unfortunately, instead of providing reassurance and catharsis, most of these depictions set me on edge.

Not every story can have the best ending for every character. And I’m keenly aware that not every plot is going to work out the way I want it to. But it’s frustrating when every story involving a toxic character seems to end the same way. It starts to feel as if society has a specific way it believes people should deal with toxic relationships… and its answer is just as toxic as the people we’re talking about.

I’m going to avoid calling out specific media. I’m not trying to start a crusade against certain stories or creators. I’ll keep my descriptions somewhat vague. It’s the practice I dislike, not the individual stories that feature this particular issue. But I admit that it’s hard to enjoy some of these stories as much as I would like to simply because I can’t accept the message the show or game is trying to impart to me.

How to Deal with Toxic Individuals

I could probably write an entire series of blog posts about how to deal with toxic individuals. After all, there’s no one way. Every person who ends up stuck dealing with a toxic relationship has to choose the path that’s best for them. It’s one of those personal things that doesn’t have a one-size-fits-all answer.

I have reached a point in my life where I simply do not have the time or energy to devote to anyone or anything that constantly drains my energy. So my method of dealing with toxic individuals is to cut them out of my life. I try to leave the door open in case someone changes their ways. But I also try to move on and not let the situation trouble me anymore. Because I connect so strongly with the emotions and problems of others, this is necessary for me.

But I know people who have found ways to make peace with toxic family members. Their relationships might remain troubled, but they find ways to make it work for them. And I applaud their efforts, even though I know something like that would never work for me.

It’s specifically because methods of dealing with toxic relationships are so personal and widely varied that it upsets me that every story seems to land in the same place.

The victim of the toxic relationship, the one treated horribly by the toxic individual, inevitably apologizes.

And not only does the victim apologize, the story seems to imply that the victim is expected to apologize. As if it’s their responsibility to make peace with the people who have been horrible to them.

And do the toxic people ever apologize back or try to make up for what they did? Hell no.

You Don’t Have to Be Sorry

I promised not to call out any particular media, but it’s hard to be subtle here. There was a very popular animated movie that came out a few years ago about a magical family. But the protagonist of the story had no magic. And so she was ostracized by certain members of her family.

She wasn’t the first. It turned out another member of the family had been banished for not playing according to certain family members’ rules. Throughout the movie it became increasingly apparent that one person in particular was toxic and causing everyone else to be miserable.

But did the movie call that person out? Did the movie make that person face what they had done wrong and how it had hurt all the people they claimed to care about?

Not really. Instead the main character apologized for everything in order to mend the relationship. It drove me so nuts, I had to look up other people’s opinions to make sure I wasn’t going crazy.

I recently played a game that took a similar approach. One of the characters was so selfish, she got another person killed, and almost gravely hurt another. But at no point was she contrite. At no point did she shoulder the responsibility of her actions. The game wouldn’t even let me confront the character about it. Believe me, I tried!

I haven’t finished that story yet, and it doesn’t seem like my character is going to apologize. But my character did insist that they needed this toxic person in their life no matter how the toxic person pushed them away.

Just once it would be nice to see a story call a toxic individual out on their behavior and force them to come to terms with how they hurt others.

Set Your Chosen Boundaries

However you decide to deal with the toxic people and relationships in your life, you absolutely never need to shoulder the entire burden of making things right. Often, popular movies and TV shows make me feel like that is a message we are sending to young people, and I wish I could scream from the mountains how wrong that is.

If you need to end your relationship with a toxic individual or cut them out of your life, you should never feel guilty about that. Setting boundaries is healthy. And while it can be painful to stick to them long enough for them to last, it’s always worth it in the end to have your time, energy and sanity back.

Nothing and no one should ever make you feel as if you’re a bad person for setting a boundary or distancing yourself from someone who hurt you. And frankly, as a storyteller myself, I feel it’s our responsibility to do better. Negative examples can sometimes teach people what not to do, and I accept that. But I would like to see more positive examples of dealing with these situations that favor the victims instead of granting the tormentors constant excuses or escapes.

We seem to have come a long way in recent years talking about mental health and providing resources for those who need it. But I can’t help feeling, in some regards, we still have a long way to go.